Posts Tagged ‘baby’

A fine line…

{ April 16, 2008 @ 6:05 pm } · { Uncategorized }
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Good afternoon!

So the last few nights since Sunday evening, I’ve been contracting/cramping a fair bit. Nothing incredibly regular and not enough to call the doctor, but enough to open the floodgates of my fears and worries! I often get tricked into thinking that I’m doing a great job trusting God with my baby and the fear of delivering very early, until I start having contractions… then I realize that what I thought was trusting God, was actually just me feeling really good and not struggling with worry at the moment.

Right now, I’m praying for God to help me have faith and trust at the same time. For example, I know that God can do all things and have FULL FAITH that he can carry Thomas and I through the next 8 weeks and give us a full term delivery. But in having faith for it and asking God for it, I can easily begin to idolize and hold way too tightly to that and almost be in a sort of denial that anything will go wrong. But on the other hand, when I surrender my desires to God and ask that His will be done I need to be really careful and search my heart because… what if God’s will is that I go into labor this week and Thomas is born at 29 weeks and needs to spend time in the NICU? What will my reaction be? I would like to say that I would trust God that He is good and His timing is perfect and would not be devastated that things did not go to full term. Oh Lord, help my sinful heart! Please be patient with my doubt and unbelief and cause me to desire your will above all!!

So today, I’m practicing faith in God’s sovereignty and fully believing that He can do all things and trusting Him regardless of when our baby is born. He is good and we want to be found in His will. 

Oooh, I think I’ll take a shower this afternoon! It’s funny when one of the highlights of your day is a shower :)

Good Morning…

{ April 12, 2008 @ 3:27 pm } · { Uncategorized }
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Good morning and Happy Saturday!

 It’s about 11:00 a.m. on Saturday, March 12th and here I am propped up on the couch enjoying one of my many liters of water that I’m drinking these days while my mom is busy making my bed and cleaning my bathroom. Meanwhile, my laundry is over at Debi’s Walter’s house being folded and organized, my fridge is full of delicious home-cooked leftovers from meals that friends have dropped off, my daughter is sleeping snug and warm in her room, exhausted from a morning of playing with her Grammy, and for the next four weeks my calendar is full of many more days like this to come. At seemingly the drop of a hat, the life I knew – my organized, planned, knew-just-what-to-expect-each-day routine has come to screeching halt and all because of a tiny two and a half pound trouble maker named Thomas Jonathan. 

At first glance, the above description of this new season my OB calls “Bed Rest” might seem pretty accurate, however in my heart, I know it’s far from the truth. In reality, the only thing that has changed is MY agenda for this pregnancy, MY plans for how MY life is to play out and the way that I like things to be done. When not selfishly consumed with thoughts on how “weird” and “abnormal” the next (God-willing) 10 weeks of leisure are going to be for me, the Holy Spirit has gently helped me to see that this is not a complication of pregnancy. This is not the result of something that my body is doing and this has not come about at “the drop of a hat”. Rather, this is a part of God’s perfectly designed and unfathomably GOOD plan for my life. Even that.. my life… such a proud statement when in actuality I cannot control the beating of my own heart or cause my lungs to fill with air. Oh, thank you, Lord, for being so kind to help me realize that there is nothing I can do apart from You! You are the giver and the sustainer of life and You cause all things to happen according to Your will.  Father, You hold all of my times in Your hand and nothing escapes or is too small for Your notice. Oh God, how great Thou art!

Here we are at only day 8 of bed rest, and already God is revealing SO MUCH to my sinful heart! I want to constantly pray and be asking God for humility that I might be able to receive from Him all that He intends for this short season.