Good afternoon!
So the last few nights since Sunday evening, I’ve been contracting/cramping a fair bit. Nothing incredibly regular and not enough to call the doctor, but enough to open the floodgates of my fears and worries! I often get tricked into thinking that I’m doing a great job trusting God with my baby and the fear of delivering very early, until I start having contractions… then I realize that what I thought was trusting God, was actually just me feeling really good and not struggling with worry at the moment.
Right now, I’m praying for God to help me have faith and trust at the same time. For example, I know that God can do all things and have FULL FAITH that he can carry Thomas and I through the next 8 weeks and give us a full term delivery. But in having faith for it and asking God for it, I can easily begin to idolize and hold way too tightly to that and almost be in a sort of denial that anything will go wrong. But on the other hand, when I surrender my desires to God and ask that His will be done I need to be really careful and search my heart because… what if God’s will is that I go into labor this week and Thomas is born at 29 weeks and needs to spend time in the NICU? What will my reaction be? I would like to say that I would trust God that He is good and His timing is perfect and would not be devastated that things did not go to full term. Oh Lord, help my sinful heart! Please be patient with my doubt and unbelief and cause me to desire your will above all!!
So today, I’m practicing faith in God’s sovereignty and fully believing that He can do all things and trusting Him regardless of when our baby is born. He is good and we want to be found in His will.
Oooh, I think I’ll take a shower this afternoon! It’s funny when one of the highlights of your day is a shower 
